Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Wrestling Match

However kind and fair I try to be, I can’t turn off that little part of me that has to judge people. Not people I know, but random people, people that are clueless that I am judging them as if they were in some sort of contest. Because I technically don’t hurt anyone’s feelings, I somehow feel that I can justify my behavior. I think we all do it. I just do it a lot. I really try my best to keep it to myself. But what fun is that? I guess this is my warning to you, that what follows is my first, but certainly not my last.

So there we are at the mall on Saturday night and I spot one. One so good, that I had to point her out to Matt. In my defense, I didn’t point out the forty-something chick in the Apple store that was wearing shorts that were WAY too short and about 3 sizes too small. I won’t even mention the type of shirt she was wearing, but OMG! So, walking in front of us was a woman wearing a hot pink thin cotton dress. It was pretty form fitting until about halfway down the ass cheek. And there it was. Her ass. I immediately nudged Matt and cut my eyes to her a few times. (The silent signal) This was an event that could not go unwitnessed. Seriously, it looked like her butt cheeks were engaging in a wrestling match under her thin dress. As Matt said, it was like a car crash. You don’t want to look, but you can’t help it. You have to stare. Never in my life have I seen two ass cheeks swing so freely, but at the same time look like they were moving in slow motion. In my mind I say to her, “Honey, I am glad that you are proud to strut your stuff, but next time, I would consider some Spanx or something that can contain those cheeks!. Otherwise, you might injure yourself or someone else. Perhaps a small child that walks too close when you are mid-swing.”

I am so bummed that I wasn’t able to at least get a picture. I’m slow on the drawl with the camera phone, and maybe that keeps me from becoming more sinister. However it won’t stop me from trying in the future. I have 4 followers that I need to satisfy! Even though some of you probably think I am a horrible shallow person, and in ways I am, I am willing to bet that more than half of you think the exact same things. For example, who doesn’t notice a woman walking down the street with her boobs flailing in every direction and think to themselves, “damn, sister could use a better bra.”

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